An Inspirational Note to my Woman
Dear Lover,
Hang in there, Tiger. I was talking to Jocko Johnson earlier today, my friend the talking leopard and amateur wrestling promoter, and over some shared yams, we agreed that your business is about to flourish.
You may not know this, but Jocko went through some tough times himself, when he was down and out on the streets of Regina, a runaway from the local zoo where he was beaten and maltreated as badly as a Chinese whore. No one would spare him a yam, or even 10 cents for a pat of butter. Heck no one would rub his tummy even, or scratch his ears. And when he did his standup routine he just got beaten and whupped. I mean, that’s where he learned his wrestling moves, on the backstreets of windswept
So you know, if he hadn’t had those trials do you think he’d be lounging on his patio sipping sweet potato juice and snacking on big juicy yams as the prairie sun dipped below the skyline and the horizon burned like Peter North’s testicles? Do you think he’d be using other men’s skulls as beer mugs or have little pumas as footstools?
So what I am trying to say, is chin up Tiger, you are a born winner, not like these mangy lemurs and pumas we have in the neighbourhood (aka Desmond, Winona, Michael, etc); you are the queen of the frickin’ jungle! You will eat baked yam out of dishes made from their hip sockets! Hey, when the Tiger roars, all other creatures of the jungle (except the mighty Panda…DO NOT get close to a hungry Panda, they look cute, but it’s a charade, they are as mean as shithouse badgers on crystal meth) cower! So make sure the next couple of days you lie low, and then don’t forget to bring the MONSTER in you to the monster erg.
The rest will sort itself out, or my name isn’t Julius Van Der Pickles.
Love,
JVDP
posted by Stallionforce at 2:16 PM
1 Comments:
This was a really lovely thing you did for Steph.
I was just checking out your blog this morning to see if you had any updates and saw the title of this entry...I thought you'd meant me...so I started to read it. And you mentioned her business (I should have checked the date) and realized this must be old.
The irrational part of me feels a little jealous (you know, just a few butterflies in my tummy...it's always odd to see remnants of past loves), but deep down I feel happy and buoyed that you did this. I just want you to know I think you're a lovely human being. Your compassion, generosity and supportiveness are just a few of the reasons I love you.
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